argh.

i miss a ton of people (a few in particular) and it sucks because i feel like i'm the only one making an effort. or even the only one that cares.

my heart is a little broken.

ATTN! PARTY ON THE 13TH!!!!

WE ARE HAVING A PARTY AND YOU ARE INVITED (MAYBE?!)


IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME
CONTACT ME VIA MYSPACE OR PHONE
(909) 331-0956!!!!!

IT IS NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS THEMED
(SO DRESS UP AS A CHARACTER FROM THE MOVIE
OR HALLOWEEN OR CHRISTMAS-LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

yayyyyY!


LOVELOVELOVE<333333333

realization.

i can't fake being happy. i realized that in the car, just now. i'm too emotional of a person, and i am not afraid of that. therefore, i cannot, will not hide my emotions. i can't put on a mask and pretend everything is okay. inside, i am not okay. and there might not be a reason. but i can't hide it. i'm not one of those people. my emotions are too strong and vivid to just replace or ignore them.

i wish i knew what was wrong. i haven't felt like this since i graduated high school. only then i had a reason. maybe my reason is being lonely. i'm extremely independent now. maybe too independent. to the point where i KNOW i can make someone happy. and be happy. and yet, still be my own person and do my own thing. but i have yet to find someone i can share that with. so, this future love is already breaking my heart!

i don't know if i am making any sense!!!!!! but i don't care! i don't! writing feels good. and it numbs the pain. especially when i write publicly. even if no one responds to this, hell, even if not one soul reads this, it makes me feel better to think that maybe someone out there is listening to me. and i'd rather it be a stranger than someone i know (minus a few people that know who they are) because i know a stranger cannot judge me. and has no idea what i've been through and no idea what my life is about besides this pointless blog and this pathetic entry. but maybe they can somehow relate in an unbiast way.

i'm going to sit on the roof and scream periodically until i feel like i've accomplished something.

i'm not editing this at all, so i'm sorry if this is hard to understand.

rant

-i really wish my brother wouldn't fake being sick and make my mom worry!
-i hate my love handles and i'm handling that shit pronto. as in it's already in the works.

i thought i had more to rant about, and i'm sure i do, but i'm being positive, remember!? yay!

i finished eclipse and it was amazing! i hear breaking dawn is the best, we will see. after i finish this one, i'm going back to re-reading harry potter. the trailer got me pumped! then after that, i have no game plan! recommendations anyone? okay! i have to peeeeeee. have a lovely night.